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Post by Remus Lupin on Sept 3, 2007 5:47:19 GMT -5
He could feel it, the itching rising under his skin, making him restless, irritable. It always happened the night before. It was truly a miracle that he managed to survive classes in the days before and after.
How no one but his friends had put it together was still quite a mystery to him. Really, it was quite easy when one thought about it...
They had been at Hogwarts for about two weeks, and already the full moon was almost upon them-- it would be tomorrow night. Already Remus could feel the monster, the monster he'd been struggling with for almost ten years. And even now, within his head, he could hear himself almost pleading with it-- let me go.
On days like these, more than anything, Remus wanted to be free of his condition. Every month it tormented him, the hellish pain almost impossible to bear. He'd sometimes heard some of the Gryffindor girls complaining about their own monthly problems, and every time he fought back the urge to yell at them and tell them that surely it could not be as bad as this.
His nails digging into his palms, Remus paced restlessly, lost in thought. He was always slightly tense and snappish every time this time came around. He just hoped his anger wouldn't get the better of him.
((boredom))
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Post by James Potter on Sept 3, 2007 22:03:13 GMT -5
James came downstairs from the dorms, noticing that one person in particular wasn't in bed. Since there was incredibly loud snoring coming from one of the beds, which was undoubtedly Peter, and Sirius was in the bed on James' right, he looked to his left, his hunch being right.
He reached for his glasses on his beststand and looked out the window. The full moon was nearing, and James knew that it must be on Remus' mind. He headed down to the common room and found his lost friend.
"Moony?" he asked sleepily. "Shouldn't you be sleeping, mate?"
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Post by Remus Lupin on Sept 4, 2007 5:32:49 GMT -5
((I stayed up late writing that oneshot because of you and I am so fucking tired right now )) "Can't sleep," Remus muttered distractedly, absently itching the back of his wrist, still pacing. "You know what night it is. You know I can't sleep when I'm like this."
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Post by James Potter on Sept 4, 2007 10:11:52 GMT -5
James sighed and scratched the back of his neck, going over to Moony and pushing him down on the couch. "Moony, mate, I know you're a tad restless and all, but you've got to sit down, at least. Your pacing is making me dizzy," he said, sitting next to him.
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Post by Remus Lupin on Sept 4, 2007 12:58:02 GMT -5
"You don't know what this is like," Remus practically snarled, pulling away from James and standing again, not pacing this time but going over to lean against the window, staring out at the moon and just wishing it didn't rule his life.
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Post by James Potter on Sept 4, 2007 19:09:38 GMT -5
James raked his hands through his hair, controlling his temper. No, he didn't know exactly what it felt like, but he'd been there enough. "No, I don't," he said. "I have no bloody clue what it's like, mate. But I'm only trying to help."
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Post by Remus Lupin on Sept 4, 2007 19:15:18 GMT -5
"Just leave it be," Remus mumbled, pressing his palm against the window and sighing heavily, touching his forehead to the glass. "You can't help. You don't know how much it hurts, James. You don't know what it's like to have a mum who cries over you every bloody month and a dad who drinks himself into oblivion just to forget he has a son."
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Post by James Potter on Sept 4, 2007 19:18:20 GMT -5
"C'mon, Remus, don't do that," he pleaded. "Merlin, I'm trying to be a good mate here, but you're just going to sit here and feel sorry for yourself. I don't know what the bloody hell you want me to say, Rem, but I'm just trying to help. If you'd rather, I'll just go back to bed."
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Post by Remus Lupin on Sept 4, 2007 19:21:22 GMT -5
"I'm not feeling sorry for myself, all right?!" Remus whipped around, the expression in his eyes almost feral as his anger took over. But he caught himself at the last moment, again digging his nails into his palms, leaving tiny half-moons of blood.
He closed his eyes and sighed, going back over to James and plunking down beside him. "Sorry, Prongs," he said weakly. "I don't... know what comes over me on days like this. I didn't mean it."
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Post by James Potter on Sept 4, 2007 19:36:28 GMT -5
"Don't worry, mate, I didn't take any offense, anyway," he said, waving his hand in front of his face to show his point. "You were right, anyway, I don't know what it's like. The best I can do is...well, turn into a stag, really," he laughed.
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Post by Remus Lupin on Sept 5, 2007 5:30:47 GMT -5
"That is good, though," Remus tried to encourage. "I mean, you guys worked at it for three years, and you finally figured out how to do it. But with me... I never had any choice. And everytime the full moon came around, I would hurt myself."
The scars on his arms, legs, and back were from the days when he was a child, from the five torturous years he'd been alone in the Shack before his friends had learned how to transform. With nothing else to do, he'd bitten and mutilated himself while unaware of what he was doing.
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Post by James Potter on Sept 5, 2007 9:27:58 GMT -5
"I know, mate," he said, a bit solemnly. "And I'm sorry we weren't there for you. But from now on, you know, you're always going to be stuck with us lot. During everyday life and transformation, really," he laughed a bit, trying to lighten the mood for the sake of Remus.
If there were anything worse than the transformation, James supposed it was the night before, when Remus was itching and snappy. It was awful, mainly because James, Sirius, and Peter couldn't do a damn thing about that.
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Post by Remus Lupin on Sept 5, 2007 13:27:30 GMT -5
"You don't think I haven't figured that out by now?" Remus tried to give a laugh, for James's sake. "All these years now and I swear I can't get a moment's peace..."
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Post by James Potter on Sept 5, 2007 18:14:21 GMT -5
"Nope, never," he said. "Even with Lily occupying the group now, you'll still never have a moment's rest. It comes with the Marauders' contract, Moony," he chuckled, slumping down in the seat, relaxingly.
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Post by Remus Lupin on Sept 6, 2007 15:23:27 GMT -5
Remus smiled, this time a little more geniunely, but then added, slightly uneasily, "We won't... tell her, though, right? About... me. I don't... quite know if I want her to know that."
That he'd even admitted it to James, Sirius, and Peter had showed a lot of trust. They were the only ones at Hogwarts beyond some of the staff that knew his secret, and he wasn't about to go telling anyone else. Marly, Lily-- he trusted them implicitly, but not with something of this magnitude.
There was a nasty voice inside him that told him they would abandon him if he told. That they would try and deny it like his mother and father. And that wasn't something he was sure he could take.
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